Driving down 23rd St on one of these newly warm days, I spotted one misguided chick wearing a brightly clashing floral-print strappy balloon top and hot pants, anchored by black leather platform sandals.  (And a garish amount of blush that doubled for a traffic light at the same intersection, but I digress).  As awful as Ms. Flower Power looked, she did have the figure and long gams to pull off the daring silhouette.  I can’t say that for another young “lady” I saw two days later in Shirlington sporting a similar ensemble.  She could have used a balloon top to cover the gut that protruded out of her tight black top and over the waistband of her fourth grade shorts. (Ouch!)

Thankfully, Washington women are a bit more body conscious than that.  The DC metro area is home to over 300 gyms that are packed with guys and gals who want to look better in both their business and birthday suits.  Yet, some of these fit folks forget their fashion sense when they walk through the gym doors.  Long gone are the leotards from the “Let’s Get Physical” days.  But there are still plenty of fitness fashion flubs today that can make you trip on your treadmill.

So here are – in no particular order – the worst workout wares that should be “exercised” from the gym.

Waist not, want not –  First, folded over /rolled up waist bands.  Why would anyone consciously create a tire of material around their middle?  Aren’t you at the gym to slim your waistline, not add to it?  If it’s to make your bottoms snugger, buy a smaller size or get it altered.  If it’s to show off your waist, buy a low-waisted bottom (above the crack, thank you).  Second, why the shirts and jackets tied around the waist?  You do realize you’re actually enlarging and bringing attention to the area you want to cover up?  Don’t you?  I’ll wait ‘til you un-snag yourself from the elliptical for an answer.

Skorting the issue – I don’t get workout skirts.  It’s ironic how girls who wear pants all day – because wearing a skirt at an office desk is uncomfortable – would wear a skirt for physical aerobic activity.  And you still have to wear shorts under the skirts anway.  At least the skirt I wore while playing high school tennis had useful sports underwear that had special (loading from the bottom) pockets to hold tennis balls.  Unless you’re headed to Wimbledon, forget about the skort resurgence.

Skin? Not so in – I’m the first to admit to eyeing the shirtless hotties jogging around the city in warm weather.  But there are limits to how much one should dare to bare.  A low waist or neckline is innocent…until you bend over.  Smaller shorts and tops can leave some folks “hanging” or double as in-gym adult entertainment.  And a good mirror will usually show you what you’re showing the world when you‘re sporting prosciutto-thin sports fabrics. (Please never let Worn-Through-Lycra-Shorts Man sit in front of me in spinning again!)  When it comes to gym clothes, beware of too low, too little, and too thin.

Richard Simmons, this means you – The body builders with the baggy, neon animal stripe pants.  The sorority chick wearing her “retro-chic” legwarmers.  The older woman who wore out her Jane Fonda tapes, sporting pantyhose under her shorts.  The older guy in the ‘80’s running shorts – and nothing else.  Multiple sweatbands (okay for Michael Cera in Juno, not okay for you).  If it’s seen on a VH1 nostalgia show, we don’t need to see it at the gym.  Even Olivia Newton John would grimace.

Cougar Barbie and Mid-Life Crisis Ken sold separately – Several weeks ago, a woman in her ‘50’s walked into my spin class.  Her brassy-blond streaked hair was styled down around her fully made up face.  Her bedazzled blue tie-dyed top had matching bottoms.  Her fully displayed cleavage boasted several gold chains that coordinated with her bracelets and rings.  And when the sun hit her just right, it caused enough glare to almost block her overhanging belly.  I have also seen her male counterpart in the same class.  He sports his latest REI purchases: the logo-emblazoned mock turtleneck biking jersey with matching indoor performance cycling shorts (padding included).  His legs are spindly, but his waistline measurement equals his age. And on his wrist he encourages all around him to “Live Strong”.   I hope they will soon meet and live happily ever after. Outside my spin class.

Casual Friday Workouts –  While I agree that denim is a multi-functional fabric, jeans aren’t the best choice for a brisk go on the treadmill.  You know what else doesn’t go well at the gym? Cargo pants; capri pants; polo shirts; golf shirts; Birkenstocks; Tevas and boots.  If you can spend upwards of $60/month for the gym, you can afford $9.99 workout separates at Marshall’s and $19.99 sneakers at Payless. (Value Note: My $7.99 Target tops have outlasted my UnderArmour.)  But if you’re still confused, here’s a simple rule: If you wore it to work, don’t wear it to work out.

Matching purse not available – When it came to accessories, CoCo Chanel said, “Always remove, never add.”  I would extend her sentiment to the gym.  Some items are useful, like water bottles, music players, armbands, lifting gloves and belts.  But long earrings smack against the face.  Bright lipstick and heavy eyeliner smear and drip on a sweaty face.  Perfume and cologne exacerbate, not cover, body odor.  And while Corey Hart may have worn his sunglasses at night, he never wore them at the gym. (That means you, mirror-lensed-aviators guy at Ballston Gold’s who clenches his iPod cord in his teeth while ferociously jumping rope).  CoCo says remove, remove, remove!

Renaissance Training – I’ve only seen this twice.  But it may be the Most. Memorable. Gym. Outfit. Ever.  Several years ago, I went to my (then) regular step class at the Bailey’s Crossroads Gold’s Gym.  The whole room stopped when a man in a black and yellow unitard walked in and set up his step and risers.  You heard me.  A bumble bee wrestling unitard.  It gets better. He then rose and turned around to reveal (drumroll, please)…a cod piece!  Not a cup.  A. Cod. Piece.  With every choreographed move, he lept up and jutted out his pelvis for the whole world to admire.  But it was more to our astonishment.  The Cod Man returned the following week for an even grander display, but after that, we never saw him or his outfit again.  Sigh.

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An “oxymoron” is what one recent Google search result called Capitol fashion. “Non-existent” said one relocated DC-native.  Washington routinely gets ribbed for its style – or lack thereof.
Many look to Michelle Obama to set a new style tone as the First Lady of Fabulous.  (There hasn’t been this much focus on a woman’s arms since Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2)  Fashion rags have paid increasing to what Washington is wearing (okay, what Madame Sleeveless is wearing).  But before we get ahead of ourselves with some kind of “style stimulus”, let’s reflect on the current state of DC style.  The good, the bad, and the opportunity.

1. Good – Washington style is classic

No one understands the basics better than a Washingtonian.  Men and women alike appreciate comfortable, functional pieces that never go out of style.  And the variety of activities in the greater Washington area requires a versatile and always fashionable wardrobe. Washingtonians have mastered the ability to create a look that will take them from professional to party (and even back to work) with little effort.

Bad – Washington style is classic

In DC, classic equals boring.  That work-to-party look? A dark suit, dark shoes and bland top.  We’re mired in old mentality that professional means only dreary suits and safe accessories.  In our town, conformity wins over personality far too often.  A good friend of mine, who shines in her bright and bold Florida style outside the office, gets nervous every time she wears her knee-high black leather boots with one of her best black suits.  Washingtonians are afraid to stand out after work too.  Many Washingtonians idea of going out style is dressed up jeans (yours truly is no exception).  Just this past weekend at a friend’s birthday, the table next to ours was full of young women dressed in jeans and black tops.  Every single one of them. There are some party gals who have rebelled against the denim chic trend, but the skimpy outfits outside the clubs along K St. make it difficult to tell who’s working it and who’s simply “working”.  Remember, there are plenty of options in between.

Opportunity – Buy a classic piece in a bold color.  Taking my own advice, I just picked up a London Fog knee-length trench – in orange.  And spruce up your office garb with a billowy blouse.  It’s also polished way to wear color and patterns.  At night, try a switch from jeans to skirt.

2. Good – Washingtonians embrace the latest trends

This has always been a well-informed town, so it’s no surprise that Washingtonians are up to speed with fashion trends. All the fashion magazines I give to the gym are snatched up by the end of my workout. Washingtonians are also early technology adapters and have long been in the top five cities for online shopping.  And while DC may not be a fashion capital, Washingtonians travel.  We are quick to note the latest styles and pick up great pieces on our trips.  In DC, we know what’s going on.

Bad – Washingtonians embrace the latest trends

I was recently walking in Georgetown and saw a young woman dressed in an empire-waist, turtleneck knit dress with black leggings.  And so was her friend.  Although her friend’s dress was a slightly different shade of taupe.  Washingtonians tend not only to embrace trends, but to wrap their legs around it and squeeze it for all its worth, like Famke Janssen’s infamous scissor squeeze in GoldenEye.  Take a look around.  Low-waisted skinny jeans with flats (a la Miss Winehouse). Folded-over waist bands at the gym.  Denim at night.  Crocs, Uggs and flip-flops.  Ugh!  And why, oh why, is there such an unabashed 80’s resurgence with teens/tweens?  Salmon-colored jeans at H&M.  Leggings.  Flashdance tops.  Popped colors.  Did you not see how ridiculous your parents looked in these things the first time around?

Opportunity – Develop your own individual style and only wear a trend if you like it, not because everyone is wearing it. And wear it your own way.  The perfect example is the menswear vest.  A big trend over the past few months and sure to continue into summer, this trendy item can be worn in a variety of colors and as part of a layered look.  The same goes for brightly-hued cardigans.

3. Good – The DC area has some great stores

Being a large metropolitan area, DC has the benefit of having all the big chains.  Between Arlington and Tysons Corner alone, there are four Macy’s and two Nordstroms.  I have three Targets within 15 minutes of my place.  Quasi-chains Anthropologie and Intermix have also been welcome additions to DC’s style scene.  In the past decade, a number of boutiques have opened, featuring up & coming designers. The old Daisy in Adams Morgan (and their maternal off-shoots, Daisy Baby and Mommies Too in Bethesda), Muleh along DC’s alt-chic 14th Street, and Arlington’s Denim Bar have all received national attention.  Shoefly (Arlington), Wild Women Wear Red (U St.), and Hu’s Shoes (Georgetown) give the Washington women even more footwear options.  There is definitely some shopping to be done in DC.

Bad – The DC area has some great stores

Just some.  We may have the big chains and new boutiques, but they all carry the same things.  It’s still a challenge to find quality basics and refreshing new styles.  Getting ready for a long vacation last August, I spent hours over several days obsessively searching for a pair of white pants that were not tapered, not see through, and not crazy expensive.  Discount stores, department stores, the chains… I had given up the search when it happened.  At Pentagon City mall for a mani/pedi the morning of my departure, I went into Macy’s as a shortcut to the nail salon.  As I walked around to the up escalators, out of the corner of my eye, something stuck out.  White.  Pants.  I walked over to them. Straight-legged.  Cuffed.  Lined.  In. My. Size. I looked up at the rack’s topper. Clearance. (Hark, the herald shopping angels sang!) I got my pants, which looked amazing with my black halter and turquoise wrap.  But it should not take a stroke of luck to find such a wardrobe staple.  As for the boutiques, they carry a smaller inventory and in smaller sizes.  And their prices often reflect the exclusivity of their (trendy, not investment) pieces.

Opportunity – Online shopping gives you more options.  Every month, Lucky magazine gives reviews of several sites with a variety of sizes and styles.  And if you fall in love with something at a boutique, ask them to help you find it in your size or to contact you when it goes on sale.

4. Good – Washingtonians love their deals

Washingtonians shop smart.  We hoard Macy’s and Bed Bath and Beyond coupons like squirrels hoard acorns.  We heart our many outlets, from Potomac Mills to Leesburg to Rehoboth, when the Delaware beaches get rained out.  I am the queen of the deals.  That orange London Fog trench?  $39.99 at Square One at Tysons.  Those white pants at Macy’s?  75% off.  I bought a Roland Mouret knock off for $15 at Ross.  A grey and black plaid patterned cap-sleeved dress for work?  $6.24 at Tarzhay.  (Trust me, it’s cute.  Mom called it ‘Audrey Hepburn-esque’).  And “cheap chic” is a must for many in this economy.

Bad – Washingtonians love their deals

Let’s face it.  For most out there, a splurge is (over) paying full price for a suit at Ann Taylor.  We also own too many of the “guess-how-much-I-got-it-for” pieces that get worn and shorn after one season.  DC women spending hundreds of dollars on their hair, but wince at paying a fraction of that on pants.  Instead, Washingtonians should familiarize themselves with the concept of “investment pieces”.  These are wardrobe staples made of superior quality with timeless appeal.  Their value is unsurpassed.  Here’s a personal example.  In 1999, I purchased a pair of Prada shoes for $425, in what I perceived as a splurge back then.  In 2009, I’ve only had to replace the heels once and they look as chic as ever.  I can’t estimate the cost per wear, but over time it’s been $42.50/year.  Think of the $40 shoes you’ve bought over the years.  How many do you still wear?  Such pricier investments may not be feasible right now, but the next time you’re out shopping, remember quality equals real value.

Opportunity – Again, online shopping.  There are many sites offering designer pieces at big discounts.  Bluefly.com was one of the first to do this.  The site I’ve been checking out lately is ideeli.com, which offers designer fashion, accessories and home goods from 50-80% off.  Remember BagBorroworSteal.com, made famous in the Sex and the City movie?  You can purchase from their inventory of designer bags for up to 80% off in the outlet section of their site.  And stop by upscale department stores.  This past December, Bergdorf Goodman in NYC was running a good chunk of their stock at 50-75% off, months earlier than the usual seasonal clearance.

So, there it is, Washington.  We’re a smart bunch, but not always when it comes to style.  That includes Washington men.  I have some observations for you too, which we’ll save for another time.  But we are well-positioned to improve DC style.  The eyes of the world are always upon us.  The least we can do is look good.

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